I am tired. I am so very tired.
I am tired of the kids’ constant fighting and yelling. I am tired of the whining and crying and tattling ALL THE TIME! I am tired of being responsible for creating and executing a plan for 3 meals a day for 4 people, EVERY single day.
I am tired of not getting enough sleep because I stay up too late just to get some alone time and personal space. I am tired of creating lesson plans and home school projects and monitoring reading time to keep my kids learning and engaged during this new normal of crisis schooling.
I am so very tired.
I miss my alone time. I miss date nights with my husband and happy hours with my girlfriends. I mean, I didn’t actually ever go to happy hours with my friends, but still, I miss the option to go.
But mostly, I miss alone time.
I have really enjoyed having my family home with me during the week. I like seeing my husband all day and watching my kids use their imagination to make up new games to play. It has been nice to teach them my favorite childhood board games, and play them nightly as a family after dinner. We have watched movies and ridden bicycles together. We have taken walks and tried new things. It has been a lovely bonding experience. Mostly, usually, sometimes.
But I am still so tired. The monotony. The responsibility. The fear. It is overwhelming and exhausting. Every day we wake up and we do it all over again. And again. And again. We like each other. We love each other. But we are also tired of one another.
Read my post on how to get out of bed when you just can’t with life.
I miss missing my family. I am overwhelmed with feelings and that makes being lonely and tired even harder. My kids miss their school friends and my husband misses his co-workers and buddies. I know we are all struggling but I can’t help but think mommies are struggling the most. We carry so much for the family… emotionally, physically, mentally. We are often the glue.
I want to be taken care of instead of taking care of someone else.
But today I don’t want to be the glue. I want to climb into bed, pull the covers over my head, and sleep for a month. Today, I want to be taken care of instead of taking care of someone else. I think it’s ok to wish for better days or days long (or not so long) past. I think it’s ok to say we are tired. Because we are, and for a good reason. So I will say it when it is true. Today I am tired. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.